Maybe
by AwsomestPersonAlive
Summary: Phil moves out of his and Dan's flat leavin only a note and a broken flatmate behind.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, Dan r u still coming over tomorrow? -PJ_

_Dan? -PJ_

_Oi! Gay boy! R u coming over today? -C_

_It's okay that u didn't want to hang with us but you could have told us. -PJ_

_RUDE -C_

_Oh my God Dan I just heard. Have you heard from him? Did Phil explain anything? -PJ_

_Dan r u ok? -C_

Dan threw his phone at the wall.

Was he okay? _NO_

Had he heard from Phil? _Not since he left._

Did he explain anything? _No, Dan woke up one morning to an empty apartment and a note._

That was all he got. No last hug. No last video together. No real goodbye.

Just a note.

_Sorry I didn't tell you Dan but I won't be coming back; please don't bother trying to find me again. I don't need you following me when all I'm doing is moving on. The thing you seem incapable of. -Phil Lester_

Three periods and a semicolon; that was his goodbye.

It took Phil 41 words to make Dan shatter. Every sentence adding cracks to his fragile glass window pane he hid his heart behind.

_I won't be coming back. _

Why not? Was it something Dan had said?

_I don't need you following me... _

Dan would have followed him to the end of the world.

…_all I'm doing is moving on… _

He was the one to break up with Dan. Why did he have to move on? Couldn't he have just stayed with Dan? This didn't have to happen. So why?

_The thing you seem incapable of._

How could Dan move on and let him go when the only thing he wanted was for Phil to love him. He would give anything. Phil saved him all those years ago when all he wanted to do was give up.

**Was his love not enough? **

**Did Dan do something wrong? **

**He must have…**

**Phil wasn't cruel**

**Phil was perfect**

**He had told Dan time and time again…**

_**I love you.**_

**It was Dan's fault.**

**He always fucked everything good in his life up.**

**And Phil had been the very best**

**The very best thing to ever happen to Dan**

**And Dan had ruined it**

**Fucked it up**

**It was his fault**

**Phil wouldn't have left if Dan was worth it**

**If Dan had anything to offer **

**Maybe**

**Maybe he would have stayed**

**But Dan wasn't worth it**

**Dan was**

_**Worthless**_

_**Stupid**_

_**Ugly**_

**If he wasn't maybe Phil would have stayed**

**Maybe Dan wouldn't have given up**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: not sure if I mentioned this before but this story has a weird format... kind of like poetry I guess**

PART 2:

PJ was worried he hadn't heard from Dan in 3 days.

He knew something was wrong, there had to be.

Phil had left giving no one a real explanation only making a short tweet about it telling everyone to leave him alone.

Hey Guys…. So I just moved out of Dan's and I's flat… Please don't ask why I don't want to talk about it

PJ knew Dan loved Phil he had shown up at his door not 5 months ago in tears sobbing about how Phil had broken up with him.

PJ had held him for hours and given him the comfort he knew Dan needed.

Dan had never gotten over Phil.

Dan's smiles whenever he was around Phil were fake.

He saw the emptyness in Dan's eyes whenever he looked at Phil

The pain when Phil went on a date only a week after they hadbroken up

And the thing that broke his heart the most;

He saw the hope in Dan's eyes

When Phil

Complimented

Or talked

Or even looked at him

Although PJ didn't know the details he knew that Dan hadn't been in the best shape before he met Phil.

Dan had sobbed into his shoulder

Telling him that if it hadn't been for Phil

He probably

Wouldn't be alive.

"PJ have you heard from Dan?

I've been trying to get a hold of him for the last day."

Chris walked into PJ's room looking anxious and worried.

He might come off like he doesn't have a care in the world but his friends meant the world to him; Dan included.

"I was about to call you and ask the same question.

I'm worried about him."

"Well then let's go." Chris looked at PJ expectantly.

"What do you mean go? Go to Dan's and Phil's flat? We can't to that it's rude." They couldn't just barge in.

"Yeah well frankly I don't give two shits.

We haven't heard from Dan since Phil left.

For all we know he could have killed himself!"

Chris was practically hyperventilating when he finished.

"You're right…

I don't like the idea of just barging in there

But I don't like the idea of loosing Dan even more."

PJ grabbed his coat, pulling it on as he headed for the front door with Chris trailing behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: this part is going back in time**

PART 3:

*morning Dan found Phil's note*

"Phil?" Dan walked out of his room yawning loudly, "Do you know if there's any cereal left?"

Silence

"Phil?!" Dan walked into the kitchen finding a half sheet of paper sitting on the counter.

Dan huffed in an annoyed manor

And grabbed the note

Taking little care of how he was treating the thin sheet

Housing his heartbreak.

Sorry I didn't tell you Dan but I won't be coming back; please don't bother trying to find me again. I don't need you following me when all I'm doing is moving on. The thing you seem incapable of. -Phil Lester

Each word was a bullet.

It reminded Dan of that song Bulletproof Love by Pierce the Veil

My love for you was bullet proof but you're the one that shot me

He never really understood what the song was saying until now.

The note fell from Dan's fingers

But it didn't register

Phil was gone

Phil wasn't coming back

Dan wasn't enough to keep him there

Dan wasn't good enough

Dan had never been good enough

That was why Phil had broken up with him

That was why Phil left

If Dan was worth it he would have stayed

But Dan wasn't worth it

Now he had to pay for his stupidity

He deserved to be alone

Suddenly Dan wasn't so hungry anymore. He walked back to his room and crawled underneath the covers.

If you stood outside that room you would have heard the broken sobs of a broken youtuber.

Dan stayed like that for hours

He cried and sobbed

But like all rivers and streams he too dried up

He had no tears left to cry

And no energy to replenish his supply

Dan fell into a fitful sleep full of nightmares

Haunted by memories he once cherished

Phil's smile

Phil's voice

Phil's body

Phil's everything


	4. Chapter 4

PART 4:

*Present Day (with PJ and Chris)*

PJ and Chris ran up to Dan's building only to get stopped by the doorman.

"I'm sorry sirs but who are you visiting?"

PJ and Chris looked at each other.

Two seconds later Chris exploded,

"Who are we here to visit?!

We've been here dozens of times before!

You know us you dick head!

We're here to see Dan because Phil fucking left,

And every second we stand here talking to you is another second not knowing if he's okay!

So move and let us through."

Chris pushed past the doorman and ran into the building and over to the lift pressing the buttons like his life depended on it.

In his mind it wasn't his life that depended on it, it was Dan's.

PJ followed behind him not bothering to apologize to the doorman as he usually would, Dan was the only thing on his mind.

"Why can't the lift move faster!"

Chris kicked the door to the lift and ran his fingers angrily through his hair gripping the ends as he did.

PJ didn't bother to try and calm him down.

He felt the same way.

The lift finally arrived and an old couple walked out.

But they were moving too slowly,

Dan could be dying or dead and these people thought it was okay to move like snails?

Chris pushed past them with PJ following him again not bothering to apologize.

Once they were in the lift PJ reached out and pushed the close doors button and the button for Dan's floor repeatedly.

He knew it was pointless,

It wouldn't make the lift move faster,

But at least he felt like he was doing something other than wait there like a sitting duck doing nothing.

The lift reached Dan's floor and both PJ and Chris fell over themselves to run down the hallway and reach the door to the flat.

It was unlocked.

They shared a look,

A look full of worry,

And concern.

One of those looks you see in bad movies right before they open a door and find a dead body.

PJ went into the flat first,

Calling out for Dan.


	5. Chapter 5

**PART 5:**

It was raining

And Dan was staring at his window

Watching the water

Small drops getting taken in by the bigger ones

And running down the glass

In a weird way it reminded him of Phil

Dan was the smaller one

Taken in by the big strong one

And Phil was the bigger one

Running with the smaller one

Showing him how to live

He didn't notice PJ and Chris until they were shaking his shoulders

They looked to desperate

And worried

"Hi"

"Hi? That's all you have to say? Why didn't you text us? Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought you were dead you asshole!" Chris was yelling.

That was okay with Dan

He deserved to be yelled at

"Chris, stop yelling." PJ placed a calming hand on Chris' shoulder.

"Dan, are you okay?"

Dan remained unmoving and silent

"Dan?"

Both PJ and Chris sat next to him

One on each side

"Dan, please talk to us."

Tears started to rundown Dan's face

Just like the raindrops on the window

"He didn't even say goodbye

I woke up one day and he was just gone

The only thing I got was a note

41 words

3 periods

And a semi colon"

PJ reached out and tried to hug him

Wanting desperately to stop his friend from crying

It killed him to see Dan like this

So broken

His eyes were empty

And everything else made that all the worse

The way he was hugging himself with shaking hands

Like he was trying to comfort himself

The way he rocked back and forth

His hair was greasy and tangled

Was he not showering?

His cheeks were sharper

Was he not eating?

"Dan when was the last time you ate?"

"I don't remember."

PJ could have sworn he heard two hearts breaking


	6. Chapter 6

**PART 6:**

Chris moved and whispered in PJ's ear "Take care of him. I have something to go do."

PJ didn't try and stop him

Chris stormed out of Dan's flat

His hands were balled up into fists

His whole body was shaking

He hadn't been this angry

Ever

He took out his phone and went to contacts

He clicked on Phil and pressed the send call button

It rang

Phil answered

"Hey Chris, what's up?"

Chris took a deep breath

He would pretend nothing was wrong

Then explode

"Nothing really. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out right now."

"Sure I don't see why not, I'm about to upload a video so how about I go to yours in like 30 minutes."

Chris checked the time

He could make it back before him no problem

"Yeah that sounds good you then."

Chris flagged down a taxi

The driver tried to talk to him

Chris said he didn't want to talk

The driver gave him a dirty look

Chris payed and walked into his house slamming the door

He spent the next 20 minutes pacing

The image of Dan looking so broken and small still fresh in his mind

There was a knock on the door

Chris opened it and saw Phil standing there

Smiling

Like he hadn't done anything wrong

Like nothing had changed

Like he wasn't the one who left Dan

Like he wasn't the one who broke him

Chris saw red

His face must have been terrifying

The speed at which Phil's smile faded broke the previous world record

The smile was replaced with confusion and a hint of fear

"Um… Chris?"

Chris reached out and grabbed Phil's shirt collar

He pulled him off of the doorstep and slammed the door

"Ow Chris that hurt, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Chris' voice was deadly quiet, "What's wrong with me? I'm sorry but I'm not the one that left Dan."

"That's what this is about?" Phil huffed indignantly, "Look Chris I know you care about Dan, I do too, but my moving out isn't your business. Okay?"

Chris practically snarled and pulled Phil closer

"First off, you obviously don't care about Dan at all.

So don't pretend you do.

And second off, it is my business.

Okay?

It became my business the moment one of my best friends got hurt.

Did you even think about what this would do to Dan?

Did you?

PJ and I didn't hear from him for three fucking days.

We thought he had killed himself.

In my opinion what we found was worse.

We found him just sitting there

His eyes were so empty.

He looks like he hasn't eaten in days.

He was crying.

You did that.

I hope you're fucking proud.

Our friendship is over.

Now leave before I hurt you."

Phil was in shock but started to walk towards the door regardless.

"Oh and Phil, never go anywhere near Dan ever again.

He would just get his hopes up and you would break him again."

Phil nodded mutely and walked away closing the door on his way out.

Chris sighed

Maybe he should have said any of that

But he needed to

Phil needed to know

And Chris had needed to yell


	7. Chapter 7

***With Phil***

Phil walked away numbly rubbing his shoulder.

Had he really done that much damage to Dan?

Was leaving the right call?

If Chris was that angry it had to be serious.

Maybe Phil should have explained everything to Dan?

Maybe he could still go back and explain things to him?

He shook his head.

It was too late for that.

He should have explained before he left.

Maybe if he had then Dan wouldn't be upset?

Phil shook his head again. That was a stupid thought.

If anything it would make it worse.

Even if he had tried to explain it to Dan Phil wouldn't even have known how to start?

It's not you, it's me.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so short about it

Maybe if he had told Dan when he first started falling out if love with him it would have been better?

Maybe they could have talked it out?

Phil shook his head again.

Stupid thought

Dan would have just blamed himself even more

Phil had never felt so guilty.

Maybe he should call Dan, just to see if he really was as bad as Chris said.

Chris' words echoed in his head,

"He would just get his hopes up and you would break him again."

Phil had fucked up.

Why couldn't he have just told Dan that he loved him as a brother?

Not a lover…

By the time Phil reached his new, empty, apartment he was crying.

How could ha have done that to Dan?

If Dan did anything stupid it would be his fault.

All Phil's fault.

Phil made his way to his bedroom, weaving his way through dozens of unpacked boxes.

He laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't know you could feel this numb.

**AN: SORRY IT'S SO SHORT FORGIVE ME**


End file.
